Posted in simple obsession

In the light 

In the light 
The day was cold , and there was a chill in the air . Andre woke in the soft light of the sun trickling through the gap in the curtains , as the sun crept up the warm sheets and on to Andre’s face he started to stir . His day is set in stone as the day he has to say good bye , the day he would change lives forever , he would replay over and over again in his mind . As Andre sat up in his bed a lonesome tear would tingle it’s way over the crest of his nose and drop of the tip . As the sun burned through the undrawn curtains and the alarm clock started to go off Andre knew that his day had well and truly begun . As he hit the alarm clock to stop the repetitive chime of bells , the overwhelming feeling of sorrow and regret took over his whole body . He stood and started the lonesome walk to the shower , for he needed to get ready and get to the cemetery 

As Andre was ready for the funeral , the worse was yet to come . He headed over to the window to look for the hurst but the road was clear . Andre places one hand on the glass window , looking and hoping that this day was a dream . The longer he was waiting the more he could remember the day of passing , but as the tears welled up in the corner of his eyes he knew that it wasn’t over . A few minutes passed and the hurst pulled around the corner of the street and he could see the casket in the back , all the flower round and the reef that he had made placed on the top . Andre found himself caught up in lasting memories until he heard a knocking at his door . He turned and walked down the corridor to the front door , but with ever step and every picture he past his heart stopped and the tears ran down his face.

As he reached forward to open the door , Andres fell to his knees . The smell of the his coat as he fell reminded him some more . 

” I can’t do this ” Andre said with a quiver in his voice , but he knew he had to . He reach in to the top pocket of his blazer and pulled out a tissue , but as he pulled out the tissue he felt something else in the pocket too . Andre reached in to the pocket and pulled out a token for a fairground , the token was plastic but with the picture of three doves on it . He clutched the token in his hand as tight as he could , and with the other hand he wiped the tears away with the tissue and reached out for the door handle once again.

Andres hand softly placed on the handle and gripped to turn it to hear the locks clicking . As the door slowly swung open he could see the bonnet of the black hurst parked out side his house . “I can’t do it , I can’t do . I have failed him and failed my wife ” . The door opened and he started his Lonely walk to the hurst . ” why , why do I have to do this ” . The tears fell down his face like a thousand beads of love raining down his face . “sir , are you ready” Andre looked up to the man stood at his gate . “sir it’s time , I have the letter you gave me and I have prepared everything you have asked for “. Andre liked up and held his head high “ok . Thank you “. He took each step toward the hurst with a deep breath , but once the tiny casket came in to view he held his breath . For each pull on his lungs would choke back the tears , and the longer he held his breath the more he knew that the love that he has for his son was overwhelming and the avalanche of tears and memories would play out in every tear that . Andre knew that this day would be hard but the sight of the tiny wooden box that would be the last bed for this son would send his emotions in overdrive . 
Clutching on to the token and the letter given to him and the memories placed in to his mind Andre knew it was time . ” sir are you ready , the hour is upon us ” . Andre bowed his head and walked over to the hurst and opened the door ” I’m ready ” 
The car started it slow journey towards the cemetery , Andre open the letter he wrote only a few weeks earlier 
” dear son ”
Your the light I hold , the days I breath 

My shining star , my northern light 

You hold me close , you help me see 

You are my beginning , I love you till the very end 

Your hand they captured my heart , form a world of dark 

I would travel the Galaxy to see you smile 
Son I might not of been there much but I would sell my all to be able to see you grow , to share your birthdays with you and to be there for every heart break you will have . Love is a fickle word in which is said in every day life but to be able to hold you in my arms and look in to your blue eyes is love enough for my weak heart . I can not even start to explain just how proud I am and how much of a fighter you are . You might of been sick from a young age and your body might of been weak , but with each day that past you showed me just how to live , taking each second and doubling the time we spent together . I love the way you woke me up each day with those soft word “I love you daddy ” . 
The hurst pulled up at the cemetery and stopped at the door of the church . The doors opened to the car and the church bells rang . Andre knew what he had to do , he walk to the back of the hurst and was accompanied by three other men . Andre and his three brother softly pulled the casket out the hurst and lifted the light wooded box to there shoulders and inter locked there arms . The brothers took a deep breath and Andre said in a soft voice ” 1,2,3 ” , with out prompting the brothers walk the casket towards the church . As they got near to the church Andre could see all the friends and family sat in the stools waiting , the sound of tears , cries and family morning flooded out the doors . The brother banded together and lowered the casket down to waist height , but before they entered the church each brother looked at Andre and said ” we love you bro and we love Leon , this is his life we are celebrating . What we are holding now is the biggest heart in our lives and we will miss him greatly and we will live our lives for him in the way he told us too ” 

As they brought in the tiny casket every one in the room stood and held up a wooden train . These train were his favourite toys , the brother walked the casket over to the altar and placed it down . Andre could not leave Leon’s side but the brother went and sat with there own families, Andre placed his hand on the cold wood and lent over and placed a kiss on the brass name plate . “I love you son , please give mummy a kiss from both of us ” . Andre looked at all the familiar faces I front of him , who all in turn held the trains up as high as they could . Andre could not hold back his grief much more , and as the giant wooden doors closed and the priest walk to the front of the hall the sound of kids laughing and the song that both Andre and Leon had made was played over the speaker . The song that was made for fun by them was the best thing that they did in the last few days of Leon’s life . The song was not in tune or even in time but it was about all the fun and happiness that the two have had . 

The song played its last verse and the congratulation sat in there seats , Andre looked at the tiny box and fell to the floor , the sound of tears and cries filled the air . A little girl in the back of the room got up and went over to Andre and placed her hand on his shoulder and said ” he is my best friend , he is all of our best friend ” . Andre looked to the girl who was in his class at school , ” sir do you remember this head band ” . Andre wiped the tears from his eyes and looked at the head band ,” is that the one that Leon won at the fair ” . The girl replied with a smile on her face ” yes sir he did , he said to me that his daddy won it in a wrestling match , for him to give to me ” 

Andre smiled and the girl took his hand and helped him up and walked him over to his seat , the girl in turn walked back to her parents and sat down . A deep silence fell in the room and the priest walked over to the casket , he started the ceremony with a prayer and then opened with a speech about the boy and his life . Then came Andre’s turn to talk about Leon , but he was frozen looking and the altar. The priest walked over to him and got down on one knee and whispered in his ear ” it’s ok if you want I can do the reading ” . Andre looked at him and shock his head ” it’s ok father I will do it ” . The priest and Andre walked over to the coffin and said a prayer together and Andre then started to read the letter he had wrote 


“In your short life you have taught me so much and loved me so much , a love that I will be forever in your debt with as you may of had a short life but each day you showed me something I will spend the rest of my life with out ” Andre looked in to the room and said ” I’m sorry if I make no sense ” . He looked back at the letter and tears welled up in his eyes , ” I could not fight this fight for you , but you showed me how to be a fighter . The year that you was sick you amazed me with how much fight you had in your tiny body , you got up each day and did your daily routine straight in to my room to wake me up and then getting breakfast and we watched what ever you wanted on the TV . I think back to all them days we spent playing with your trains ” Andre stopped and reach in to his blazer and pulled out Leon’s favourite train . He took a deep breath and looked deeply and the train and could help but feel his legs go weak and the words would escape him as turned and places the train on the brass name plate . ” Leon this is your and I hope it finds its way to you as I want to play trains when it’s my time , but I know that mummy will play trains with you till I’m there . I love you ” . Andre wiped the tears away and lent down and kisses the train and the casket ” Leon I love you so much and you will always be my beautiful angel . 

The priest said one last prayer and then called his class mates up to give there gifts . As each child in time passed the priest the placed a letter or a picture or a toy into a box that Andre and Leon had made together . As the kids left the room each person walked over to the little decorated coffin and placed the train they had on to the top and said a few words . Andre waited for the last person to place there gifts and then looked at the tiny box covered in gifts and letter and pictures and he felt a slight comfort as he knew that his son was loved by so many . Andre started the walk to the back of the room to where his brother are waiting when he heard the curtains closing , and looked back at the coffin . The tear fell from his face in a cascade of love pouring from his soul , the air was sucked form his body and his legs no longer want to leave as they buckled underneath him and he fell to the on to one of the stools . One of the brothers saw as he fell and ran to his side ” brother I’m here , we are here ” . Andre could not move or breath as he was about to leave the sweetest little boy in his life , there alone . 
” I want my boy back , I want my boy . Leon daddy loves you , daddy loves ” . Andre could no talk as every time he blinked , he would see Leon looking back at him and smiling and whispering , ” I love my daddy so much ”